So, I went to the gym again yesterday and was able to lift 15 pounds over my head! We're making progress! I've been so dang distracted lately. I decided to go all in selling for the Pure Romance a couple of weeks ago and my whole life has pretty much revolved around the endeavor since I started. I need to just take a breath, step back, and go sit in the park or something. I need some balance.
     My gym kept wanting to close the pool so they could drain it and do maintenance, but due to issues with the water tower, they kept having to push back the closing and for some reason I missed the emails. This means that I've missed aqua yoga for the last 2 weeks, and there won't be any class next week due to Labor day. It's so weird. Without school or a job, I loose track of the holidays. I have applied for my substitute teaching license, but of course, the KBI rejected my fingerprints and now I have to wait for another fingerprint card to come in the mail so I can go get finger printed AGAIN. Sigh. It's so frustrating.
     I am excited about my birthday party though. I was hoping that a lot more people would be able to come celebrate with me, but right now, RSVP's are at an all time low. That's ok. Chin up little Manadee. It's going to be a good party with a nacho bar and cake (I have been promised that I want the cake). Oh! And I even made a printable that guests can iron on to their t-shirts! We're going to have a unicorn brigade! I'm currently working on my Tulle skirt and my accessories. 
     I choose to believe that it's all gonna work out. I'll get a substitute license, people will book parties, and my birthday will be epic! Look out 37, I'm coming for you!

Wow. Time got away from me yet again! How is August almost over already? How? I went to the gym for a personal training session for the first time since the surgery. I did more than I thought I could in the way of flexibility, but I really am starting over almost from scratch. Just lifting a 12 pound sand bag over my head was a challenge. I think the hardest part is that this is round 3. I got strong, had surgery, and started all over 2 other times before this. Sometimes, it's hard not to want to say "f" it and go eat truffles but at the end of the day, I know how I feel when I work out versus when I don't.
     If I look to the future, I do have a dream. I'd really like to do at least 2 personal training sessions a week plus aqua yoga, water aerobics, and regular yoga. The someday if I get really strong, I might just try one of the more challenging cardio classes. Right now, I'm just a girl holding a 12 pound sand bag knowing that it is the first stone in the mountain that will be moved.

     Oh my gosh, I've been so crazy busy lately that I haven't even had time to post! The pool at my gym is closed for maintenance next week which makes me very sad. No aqua yoga. Sigh. This motivated me to go ahead and start personal training again. I have my very first session next Wednesday morning. I've told my coach to go easy on this poor manatee. I'm still nursing my boat wounds (metaphorically speaking of course).
    In other news, I weighed in under 220 for the first time in 8 years. Granted, my weight fluctuates between 2-3 pounds on a given day, so it will still be a while before I can safely say that I am officially under 220. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all about the numbers, it's just so nice to finally be seeing consistent progress.
    I think that sometimes, when we are wading through the muck, we get stuck and forget that there is an other side. It's why we're crossing the muck in the first place. No matter how deep you have waded, just remember that. You can make it to the other side.

     I've had so many little victories this week I'm overwhelmed with emotion. First I got over 4,000 steps on two different days. That's amazing! I'm walking around upright and not doubling over with the tummy pinchies. Don't get me wrong, Beatrice has her moments (I've named my incision just now because it only seems fair that such a big part of my life should have a name). Sometimes, I'm pretty sure she wants to kill me, but for the most part, we are figuring out a very workable arrangement. 
     My second victory was on the scale. I've moved from 254 in January to 220.4 today! That's slightly over 33 pounds. Honestly, I thought that I'd never be under 250 again so this is a truly moving accomplishment. My third victory came while shopping at the mall. I was trying to find a cute little black dress and wasn't seeing anything I liked. Then, I came across a black jumpsuit online at Maurice's, but it does not come in plus size. So, here I was at the mall, in Maurices, going mano y mano with anything I could find in an XXL (the largest standard size they sell). I just knew it wasn't going to fit, so I found three very different styles of dresses to try and, to my shock and amazement, they all fit. All of them. So, I decided to buy the jumpsuit and take my chances. It's being delivered to the store where I can try it on and return it if it doesn't work out (there are several potential issues for wardrobe malfunction with this piece, so we'll see). 
    My final victory was my greatest, I cleaned our office and moved some furniture - gasp! Ok, so I moved an end table that weighed all of 15 pounds, but I moved it none the less. I also hung some pictures and a shelf that have just been lying around for ages. The office is a more beautiful place thanks to Beatrice's cooperation.
     Tomorrow, I face down aqua yoga for the second time. Right now, I feel good. I'm getting stronger every day and I can't wait for my birthday party which is only 48 days away! This little Manadee is finally enjoying the swim again.

I am so tired and on the verge of falling into a deep, deep sleep in a mountain of very fluffy pillows, but first a brief update. First off, there is a fly smacking around inside my lamp shade like a drunk college kid which is very distracting. Second, I've been upping my step game like a mad woman. I was struggling just to get 2,000 steps a couple weeks ago and Monday I got 4,000! That's crazy and I certainly haven't met that pace every day, but I'm making massive strides now. I event went downstairs and did a load of laundry all by myself! I also finally got fingerprinted and sent in everything I need to get my sub license! Now to murder that fly and go night night.

     Sometimes we say that tomorrow we will do a thing and we just keep saying it until we forget what the thing was in the first place. I've had a lot to conquer in the last few months, and especially since the surgery; it can be easy to want to just give in and lay on the couch watching Netflix and bingeing on nachos. Before the grand cyst drama began back in April, I had been very consistent and productive with my exercise regimen. I found that it was helpful to exercise a couple of days a week and to repeat the same schedule for 3 weeks before adding anything new. Now that I'm starting over from almost scratch I felt a bit intimidated and didn't know where to start. Last night I grappled with the line between "you are 8 weeks post op" and "I will start a thing tomorrow". 
     Naturally, I did what I do best, opened a word document and made a visual. I'm already upping my step goal each week, and I know that I'm not ready to go back to personal training, so I wasn't sure what to do other than walking on the treadmill. As that blinking cursor stared me down, I did a thing. I put aqua yoga in the calendar square for today. Now, this was Sunday, which meant that Monday was tomorrow. Was I ready? Could I really just say I'd do this thing tomorrow so willy nilly with no time to process my decision? Once it's in the word document, there is no going back. The document is accountability and accountability is law.
     So this morning, I crawled out of bed, made breakfast, put on my new swimming suit and went to the pool. That's right, the thing I said I'd do today - I actually did it (and I survived)! I could only half do most of the poses but I stayed for the whole class. Best part? It was in the warm water therapy pool which feels amazing! Getting out of the water was hard because, lets face it, manatees are not land animals. Floating has always been one of my favorite past times, but today as I walked out of the pool, all of my weight returned to me and I realized just how much work it is to stand upright when you're gut muscles aren't ready to support you yet.
     No wonder I've been so tired! Just walking around is a lot more effort than I realized (and walking around doing laundry, making dinner, washing dishes). So huzzah to me! I've found my new three week schedule - aqua yoga on Monday and treadmill on Wednesday/Friday. I'll start with 5 minutes and work up from there. The next 3 weeks, I'm adding a water aerobics class on Tuesday nights. At the end of those 6 weeks, I'll be 15 weeks post op and ready to go back to personal training. I told you I'm moving the mountain one stone at a time. Stand back world, I'm unstoppable!
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     I am so bummed that I can't keep taking my women's multivitamin from Ritual. It was honestly awesome, but is not recommended for menopausal women as the formula is too high in some things and too low in others. This sent me on a quest through the deep dark internet looking for a replacement supplement. I ended up finding something from GNC called Ultra Mega Menopause. With a name like that it has to give me super powers, right? Let's just hope it's the good kind.
     In other news, I quit the Whole 30 with not quite reckless abandon. I admire those with the strength and fortitude to persevere (like my husband), but arm wrestling hot flashes, ravenous hunger impulses, and epic mood swings on top of a colossal diet overhaul was more than I'm willing to take on at this time. I'm continuing to eat compliant meals with Ian at dinner, but during the rest of the day, I just eat what makes my soul happy. Yesterday, it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The peanut butter had one ingredient, peanuts - and the jelly was sweetened with honey so I guess it's not a total loss. I haven't had a soda in 5 days. I've also refrained from snack cakes and dessert, so those are also wins. Oh yeah, I also went shopping without my cane! Look at me standing upright without a stick (happy Manadee dance).
     I can also tell you that I managed to rock my step goal for this week, shaved my own legs, and picked something up off the floor all by myself. I'm not moving any mountains yet, but I've certainly shoveled at least a bag worth of stones. That mountain will move. You mark my words. 

   So, this time around on the Whole30, things are really not going well. I thought that eating healthier would help me get better faster, but the extreme nature of this diet is a shock to anyone's system - couple that with the giant incision I'm still trying to heal and the loss of my entire reproductive system and apparently it's a recipe for disaster. Believe me, I understand that there are many unfortunate side effects when your body is detoxing and I also understand that you're supposed to power through it to get to the other side. I'm not powering through this. End of story. I've had more hot flashes than normal, a constant and insatiable hunger, and debilitating anxiety. In short, about 1 p.m. yesterday I lost my will to live (no exaggeration) and promptly realized that whatever benefits might come from seeing the Whole30 through, did not outweigh whatever rejection my body was experiencing.
     I'm allowing myself to have grains and beans. I've already taken a detailed food sensitivity test and know that I do not have reactions to these food groups. Ian is going to continue to follow the program as closely as possible. I'm still abstaining from corn, soy, alcohol, dairy, preservatives, artificial flavorings, junk food, fast food, and added sugar. The whole point of this exercise was to feel better, not to add stress and fall apart. With the addition of grains yesterday and this morning, I am feeling like a new person.
     Tomorrow, I'm getting out the house to go visit a friend and go swimming for the first time since the operation. I use the term swimming loosely. It will probably be more standing and floating, but I am so happy to get back in the water!