DEEDRE CONKEY
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High kicks....

10/18/2020

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     I was surfing my Pinterest boards this morning looking for a jolt of inspiration, and I got a high five to the face when I stumbled on this beauty, "Old ways won't open new doors." Touché Pinterest, touché. I'm immediately picturing myself wearing my heavy duty, pink patent leather Doc Martins and kicking down a door with reckless enthusiasm (seems like someone is full of piss and vinegar this morning).
   I don't know about you, but I definitely needed to hear this today. Too often, I get stuck in a brain rut and end up doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. So far, I have discovered that the kitchen does not clean itself and that constantly telling myself I'm a failure has produced little to no satisfactory results.
   So why do we humans have this innate tendency to get stuck? Because it's comfortable. Even if your situation is less than desirable, there is a certain soft fuzzy comfort to routine. There's no scary outliers, it's just exactly what you expect over and over and over again. We know what is behind this door, every. single. time. But that door? The other door? It could be a sweet pair of spandex leggings and a bucket of money or it could be the sweet smell of napalm in the morning. You just don't know.
     But here's the thing, being comfortable isn't the same as being deliriously happy. It's not the same as being passionately fulfilled. And there are some days that comfortable is fine, but for me, I want passion and adventure and the thrill of being alive. And that means that I have to stop over analyzing every tiny little detail and just fly by the seat of pants. Case in point, I need a new coat. I've outgrown my old one and it's unpleasantly chilly this morning which reminds me, that I need a new coat. So, I go online to my favorite shop armed with my fistful of birthday cash and I'm gonna buy an amazing coat. 
     This experience should have been joyful, and short lived (I already knew which coat I wanted). But then, the hamster wheel started. Well, I can still zip my old coat, mostly, so do I really need a new coat? Will this one fit? Is it too orange? What if I pick the wrong size? Should I really be spending this money? Ok. Stop. Let's just stop. There are only two questions that really need to be answered here. Can I afford it? Does it bring me joy? Quick, go with your gut before your brain can over rationalize. Yes. and Yes. I can afford it, and it brings me joy. So, what does any the other stuff matter? If it doesn't fit, I can send it back and find another coat.
    Sometimes, kicking down a door may lead to scary, unfamiliar, or weird experiences. But, it can also lead to the best freakin coat you have ever owned. And I get it, sometimes you've got more to lose than a fist full of birthday cash, but here's the thing, we're all going to die someday and we get this one life, with this finite amount of opportunity, and most of the time, kicking the door down is going to change you as a person. It's going to lead you places you didn't even know you needed to be. So the next time your stuck in a rut, ask yourself, am I comfortable, or am I happy?
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Carpe the Freakin' Diem...

10/13/2020

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     It's been months since my last post. MONTHS. I'd like to say I don't know what happened or where the time went, but that's mostly not true. I got hung up, and that's the truth. I got so focused on, what should I write about? And what topics do people care about most? and am I helping people enough? that I forgot why I started doing this in the first place. I'm not here to make money or be an influencer or win a Nobel Prize for literature, I'm here to be here. In the moment. Sharing my experiences to grow and learn and hoping that along the way, I help others grow and learn too. Because that's the thing friends, it might sound cliché, but we really do only have one life. And it's far, far to short to sweat the little things.
    Be you, unapologetically. Eat the triple death by chocolate cake, buy a hula hoop and fumble through the Youtube tutorial, sing really, really loudly in the shower and the car (especially in the car), wear your New Year's dress on a Saturday for no reason while doing all these things if that's what makes you happy. Because being happy is the point. Finding what sets your soul on fire is the point.
     I know that not every day can be "it's my birthday" level enthusiasm, because some days are just long and hard, but that's all the more reason to go for the gusto when you have the energy, damn it. Don't ever worry that you're being too weird, or too loud, or too enthusiastic. There's no such thing. Be brave, color outside the lines (or inside if that's what makes you happy). But please, please never apologize for being you. Because you are human, and you'll make mistakes and it'll be ok because you'll keep going - like me. I'm not worried about whether this blog entry is gonna change the world. I'm just sharing, from my heart, in the moment, all the very real things I feel and all the things I know in my soul to be true.
   So sorry that I disappeared for a while getting hung up on things that didn't really matter. I'm back now and I'm wearing loud multi colored leggings, and tomorrow, I'm gonna sing really loud in the car. Carpe that freakin diem my friends, and as Shakespeare once said, "To thine own self be true".
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