Ok, I was wrong before, this prompt is now the hardest. I’ve had a really strained relationship with my body every since my hysterectomy back in 2018. I’m also in my forties now so my body is continuing to change in ways I wasn’t expecting (in my head I’m still in my twenties). I guess this is called a journaling challenge for a reason.

MY TOP 5 BEST PHYSICAL QUALITIES:

1. My smile. People say they remember me for my smile.
2. My height. I can usually reach stuff on the top shelf, and dresses are never too long.
3. My fingernails. I’ve got the perfect nails for polish, not too wide and naturally long nails beds.
4. My hair. I love experimenting with it (super short, shaved sides, victory rolls). I feel comfortable in pretty much anything.
5. My tattoos. I especially love my manatee, she’s a great conversation starter.

​Want to tackle this journaling challenge together? Come join us in Conk’s Community.

This builds on yesterday’s question asking why I deserve grace. Today, I’m coming up with a concrete list of ways that I can actually demonstrate that grace to myself.

5 WAYS TO SHOW OURSELVES MORE GRACE:

1. Begin the day by tapping. Hug yourself tight and tap your shoulder twice before saying your chosen affirmation (ie I am worthy of grace and I deserve kindness. I love myself as much as I love others). Alternate shoulders from left to right each time you tap and repeat the phrase 10 times. This asks your brain to pay attention and absorb what you are saying.
2. Place reminders on sticky notes in places you’ll be sure to see them - the bathroom mirror, the fridge, the cabinet above the sink). Think about what you would say to a friend in a moment they need grace and write those things on sticky notes. Things like “I am loved and worthy of love no matter what happens”, “It’s ok to get shit wrong, I’m human and I forgive myself.”
   
3. Practice stopping the negative self talk in it’s tracks, literally. When you catch yourself saying something mean or hurtful to yourself, say “STOP” out loud. Then replace the negative talk with something positive. This can be your tapping affirmation or something from a sticky note (the more we surround ourselves with positive language, the easier it will become to reach for it on the spot).
   
4. Do something nice for yourself especially when you feel like you don’t deserve it. This could be making your favorite snack, buying yourself flowers, going for a walk, even mailing yourself a card. Think of how you show a friend they are loved and appreciated, then do for yourself what you would do for them.,
   
5. Do an honest self check in at least once a week. As yourself how you are feeling, evaluate your stress levels, look at what you have on your plate then ask yourself, is there anything I need to put down. How do I feel about the things I am carrying? Remind yourself that it is ok to not do everything and that you are allowed to say no or make changes for yourself at any time.

​Want to tackle this journaling challenge together? Come join us in Conk’s Community.

     This is probably the hardest prompt yet. I am incredibly hard on myself. I think a lot of people find it easier to extend grace to others rather than ourselves. I’m just watching the cursor blink on my ipad - make a list of all the reasons, but how do I even begin?
I guess, I’ll start with because I give it to others. Am I not worthy of the same forgiveness and kindness? Maybe instead of a list, it’s time to remember a French commercial I stumbled upon a few years back where two actresses sat in a restaurant for coffee and said aloud to each other the negative things women said about themselves. It made everyone uncomfortable and patrons even stopped to say “Hey, you shouldn’t say such mean things to her.” At the end of the video it simply states, if you wouldn’t say it to someone else don’t say it to yourself.
     The way we speak to ourselves matters. I need to be reminded of this multiple times a day - sometimes it feels like hundreds. I do deserve the grace, the love and kindness that I extend to others. Let me try this, when I catch myself being mean and negative or too hard on myself, I should say out loud, “I am worthy of grace and I deserve kindness. I love myself as much as I love others.” Maybe we should all do this, as often as we can.

​Want to tackle this journaling challenge together? Come join us in Conk’s Community.

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To help me be more consistent and curb writers block, I’m doing the “30 Day Killer Journaling Challenge for Self Love and Self Discovery” created by Isabelle Dias. If you’d like to take the challenge yourself, click the link for a full list of prompts. ​

     Birthday’s are hands down my favorite childhood memory. Growing up, we never went without, but we didn’t have money for frivolous things like brand name clothes or that peanut butter jelly that was mixed together in the same jar, but my mother always made sure we had a birthday party. She’d get a boxed cake mix and candles, and let me help decorate (because that was my jam). At my brothers birthday in July, she’d put up the little kiddie pool in the back yard and all the cousins and neighbors would come over and splash around in 2 feet of water having a grand old time.
    The absolute biggest thing my mother did was rent out the skating rink for my birthday party. I was not a popular kid. I was weird and got picked on all the time. Kids were mean, but on that one glorious day, all that got put aside. I got to invite my entire grade school class and of course most of them showed up because it was the early nineties and no one turned down a chance to skate for free! I chose that party knowing that it would mean that was the only present I would get from my parents, and that Christmas would be slim too because I was sinking all the gift money into this one shining moment.
     To this day, I am still filled with nostalgia and a warm fuzzy feeling when I remember whooshing around the rink to some sweet tunes surrounded by all my classmates and cousins. For one day, I wasn’t the weirdo or the kid with divorced parents, or the kid who couldn’t afford anything name brand - I was the kid who was queen of the skating rink. I still celebrate my birthday with cake, and I make sure to celebrate other people’s birthdays too, because everyone deserves to have a little magic in their lives, even if it’s just for an afternoon.

Want to tackle this journaling challenge together? Come join us in Conk’s Community.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW:

1. I have an amazing and diverse group of friends that teach me something new every single day.
2. I have a trip to Canada planned at the end of June.
3. I’m still physically able to do activities I love like swimming, traveling, and taking my dogs for walks
4. I found a meal delivery service called Factor75 that sends me delicious food I don’t have to plan, prep, or cook so I’m finally  eating something other than fast food.
5. I’m taking time to write again!
6. I’m learning so much about ADHD and my neurodivergent brain that I didn’t know before - it has made me feel so much less alone.
7. I have a wonderful, loving partner and family.
8. I’ve started doing my nails again (even my toes) which makes me feel amazing - wearing my sparkle on the outside!
9. I have great co-workers.
10. We moved our bedroom to the main floor so my arthritic knees finally get a break from going up and down the stairs all the time!
11. I have rediscovered the joy of soaking in the bathtub.

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Want to tackle this journaling challenge together? Come join us in Conk’s Community.

To help me be more consistent and curb writers block, I’m doing the “30 Day Killer Journaling Challenge for Self Love and Self Discovery” created by Isabelle Dias. If you’d like to take the challenge yourself, click the link for a full list of prompts. 

     I’m tackling this challenge because I’m already in the midst of a challenge to write a blog post every day for 100 days (and I’ve been spotty and a tad forgetful). I also know that getting started is sometimes the hardest part and maybe by sitting down and doing the damn thing, I’ll encourage someone else to do the same.
    The second part of this question is a little trickier. I think I’d like to be a little (or maybe a lot) less hard on myself. My neurodivergent brain constantly gets frozen in analysis paralysis and then I get judgey with myself for being trapped in the cycle. I tell people all the time to embrace who they are and live life authentically and unapologetically but I don’t always follow my own advice.
    In the next 30 days, I’d like to have a clearer picture of what I want for my life in this moment, what will make me happiest, and maybe even have a plan for how to finally get the ball rolling downhill. 

Want to tackle this challenge together? Come join us in Conk’s Community.

​I brought this on myself,
with an impulse purchase -
hoping to make some positive change -
to move in any direction that isn’t stuck
on my ass in my pajamas ADHD paralyzed.
So, in that regard,
I suppose this is progress.
And who doesn’t love a quest?
Who knows, 
I could still encounter a dragon,
maybe even a luck dragon -
this 80’s kid can dream.

​I finally found my tracker and realized that if I don’t post at the start of the day, I wander off or forget by evening. I’m going to do my best to continue to be consistent, but instead of going for a straight 100 calendar days, I’ve decided to continue this little experiment until I have 100 posts. This experiment has me contemplating the world from a much broader perspective. If I miss a day, how can I reconfigure both my expectations and the process as a whole? Thus writing 100 posts even if there is a small gap here and there.
      I’m also reconsidering my perspective on my house. I had a vision for remodeling one room at a time, but financially, ripping out lath and plaster and replacing it with sheetrock isn’t in the cards right now. Let’s take the bathroom as the biggest “for example”. I attempted, years ago now, to start stripping the paint off all the woodwork. It proved much more difficult than I anticipated, thus there we are left with patches of partially stripped wood here and there. It looks awful and is somewhat depressing. It occurred to me the other day while soaking in the bath that I can in fact just refresh the paint for now and abandon my previous vision for now.
    I’m an adult, my husband and I own this house, we could put up wood paneling and turn this place into a pirate ship if we were so inclined (which I am definitely not). The point is, I’ve been thinking about the entire process too narrowly. I can make aesthetic changes such as paint, decorations, and curtains saving the major renovations for someday when we have more funding. There is no reason I have to lie in the bath and stare at partially stripped wood patches simply because I can’t afford to gut and remodel the entire bathroom. In fact, I’ve also found a delightful Instagram account that has inspired me!
    This is my home, and I can make it my home. Granted there will have to be some agreement between my husband and I, but he is generally gracious and not picky. Like me, he’d much rather be in a space that is beautiful and feels good than something cluttered and half finished. Right now, I’m in the pinterest stages and plotting my creation. Stay tuned.

​It’s day 23 and this is my 20th post, so I’m at roughly an 87% completion rate so far for the 100 day challenge. I’m alright with that considering I misplaced my tracker and haven’t been ticking off the days (visual aids are extremely important when your brain is disorganized). I got one of those monthly habit trackers that goes in a circle and I fell into a pit of despair after three days. Something about missing a day just makes my neurodivergent brain give up hope. I do better with things that aren’t linear. 
     Right now I’m staring down my coffee table that is perpetually gathering clutter and realizing that I have to be to work in less than an hour today. I’ve come to the end of my motivation to write, and sometimes we have to accept that it’s a bare minimum kind of day and love ourselves anyway.