DEEDRE CONKEY
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And nothing was the same again...

2/11/2018

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I've heard runners talk about hitting a wall, this place that is super difficult to push past because your body just wants to quit. I'm not a runner, but I've definitely hit the wall and I can tell you it's made of bricks and broken glass. Every day is the same thing, trying to push through the exhaustion to get something accomplished. It grates.
I keep thinking about fighting dragons and so, in the middle of writing this blog, I google search "manatee vs. dragon" and the results have straight up changed my life.
Maybe I have been thinking of this all wrong. Maybe if I can't beat the dragon, I have to become a dragon. Before this analogy runs off a cliff, I should decide what that means. Ok, English teacher brain activate. It means that I have to stop expecting to get better. I have to stop thinking that everything I'm doing is going to somehow magically take away the fibromyalgia, the drunk and disorderly reproductive organs, the masses of adhesions. I just have to stop.
I've got issues, and that may never change. I may never feel healthy and that sucks, but it's ok. 
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Maybe my single victory for the day is getting out of bed or cleaning out the fridge. Maybe I make it to the gym and lift 10 pounds, or eat 10 less calories than the day before. My momma has told me a thousand times not to compare myself to other people. I may be a manatee, but I have the heart of a dragon. Maybe the only dragon I've been facing down is myself. Whoa. That was deep. Say it with me people, manadragon. It's on.
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