Call me. Call me anytime. Call me?
I've grown accustomed to waiting as I've had years and years of practice with all my medical conditions. This has not necessarily developed my patience skills. I'm really not good at all the waiting (because I also have anxiety and panic attacks - butt loads of fun). So here I am, sitting in my living room, waiting for the doctor's office to call and listening to my very vocal cat scream at the top of her lungs for fun. To say my nerves are raw is an understatement.
I keep trying to convince myself to shower and prepare the guest room for after surgery (or at least break out a coloring book), but it's like my brain is paralyzed. I've been reading up on colostomies and surgical menopause and anything else I can think of that might go wrong. This is actually soothing. I prefer to know what can happen and be prepared. It's less terrifying when I am emotionally prepared to handle the possible outcomes. There are so many possible outcomes and sitting here, waiting, is driving me up the proverbial wall! I just want to get this over with.
I know that there are things that have to happen in a certain order. I know that there are other people who take precedence over me, but right now, I just want a phone call. I just want to have a time and date. Somebody please pick up the phone and press the little buttons and just tell me! You're killin me smalls!
Creating my own sunshine 🌞