DEEDRE CONKEY
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Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

12/1/2017

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Yesterday at work, I broke myself. I've been on a role the last few days with my step goals, and meager though they are, I have kind of been feeling a bit like Moon Girl (Poopsie knows what I'm talkin bout). I did my first five hour shift since the surgery and, since I've been taking my vitamins, it started off pretty strong. Now, if my boss is reading this, I promise that I did not exceed my weight restrictions in any way (I did promise not to die on the clock). What I did do was hustle like Richard Simmons "Sweating to the Oldies".

I checked out customers, organized shelves, climbed up and down ladders, heck I even moved a Christmas tree and then it happened. This pole we use to get items off the ceiling fell on the floor. No biggie, I'll just bend over and pick it up. That's when things got interesting. I could not bend. My knees were copacetic, but my torso refused to budge. Hmmm. It was time to use my Jedi mind powers? Come on, how hard could this be. Just bend. I willed my torso muscles with all of my might, but no dice. I broke myself.

Now I was not in pain per say, it just felt weird. Understand that this is a relative term because, due to the excessive amount of scar tissue in my abdomen, I have very little actual sensation anywhere in my front torso. This freakish phenomenon continued for about half an hour before life returned to normal. I can only assume that despite my aspirations of becoming a superhero, my body had decided to remind me of my limitations with an ill timed spasm. After work, my whole body felt like I had lost a boxing match with an elephant BUT I got in over 8,000 steps - so totally worth it. I got this.


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