Messy Masterpiece…

There’s something so satisfying about seeing another person’s success story. You get the difficult beginnings and the shiny, beautiful, perfectly packaged end result. What we so often forget about is the messy middle and the new beginnings that inevitably follow because almost nothing in life is static. The best lived lives are those that constantly evolve, taking joy in the challenge of discovering each new possibility, and understanding that with possibility comes risk. The goal isn’t to avoid failure, it is to be fulfilled, to be passionately alive. 
     On this morning, I wish with every fiber of my being that I were at that perfectly packaged end. I’m looking around at my house that is so utterly chaotic and disheveled (a bi-product of my neurodivergent brain) and wanting order. I want to tame the clutter, get rid of ALL the shit I will never use, and then somehow stumble on the pile of money it’s going to take to remodel this 1921 craftsman bungalow. I want to sit in my Pinterest worthy final product sipping my morning tea and look back on how far I’ve come and how good it feels. But, today is NOT that day.
     I wish I had advice for you, that I could tell you I have all the secrets for mastering your ADHD brain and finally getting your shit together, but I can’t. What I can offer you is honesty. I am trying really hard, experimenting with the fervor of a mad scientist to find the things that work, that help, that bring a modicum of sanity into my chaos. I am learning to forgive myself over and over again every single day - reminding myself that I am human, and our humanity is what makes us beautiful.
    I may never have the Pinterest house of my dreams, but that knowledge won’t stop me from trying. There is joy in the trying, self discovery in the attempts, and today I chose to embrace the chaos and hold onto hope with both fists. Sometimes the best part of life is in the becoming.  ​